Male Enhancement Group - Blog
During childhood Barbara had identified as a tomboy, a behavioral pattern which was reinforced by the stepfather. She did, however, have girlfriends and played girls' games (recalling that she wanted to be near her girlfriends because of the intense sexual feelings she had for them). She also described feeling uneasy around girls because of her wish to be a boy. Barbara could also easily integrate into boys' play and took pride in her prowess, courage, and athletic ability. She enjoyed physical activity and other typically "male" patterns of play. During her girlhood Barbara also developed an intense interest in art and a goal to become a commercial artist.
Barbara's cross dressing, which began around age 5, was done secretively. When she wore men's clothes she felt relaxed, comfortable, and protected. Around the age of 8 Barbara entertained the idea that she really had been a male as a fetus, but that when she turned over to be born, her penis inverted and formed a vagina. When she shared this fantasy with mother she received support for her wish/delusion: mother broke down and cried, admitting that she had desperately wanted a son, and wondered if perhaps Barbara was right and she had been born a boy!
In spite of mother's covert support of Barbara's "maleness" she found her daughter's actual masculine role orientation repugnant (perhaps because of the implied incestual threat, which was expressed as a homophobia). Indeed, mother would beat Barbara whenever she caught her wearing male clothes and playing boys' games. However, while mother bought her frilly, feminine dresses she never encouraged Barbara to wear them. During her ninth year the maternal grandfather died a death which must have stressed Barbara considerably as she reported that her sexual feelings for girls (including a crush on a female teacher), and her intense gender envy for boys were experienced as "beyond my control." Her chaotic sexuality and violent rages during girlhood set the stage for her chaotic adolescent development. (see TRANSSEX - THE IMPULSIVE PSYCHOPATH: BARBARA/BRIAN PART V)
- Transsex - The Impulsive Psychopath: Barbara/Brian Part III
- Transsex - The Impulsive Psychopath: Barbara/Brian Part VI
- Transsex - The impulsive psychopath: Barbara/Brian Part II
- Transsex - The Impulsive Psychopath: Barbara/Brian Part V
- Transsex - The Impulsive Psychopath: Barbara/Brian Part VII