"Dear Dr Ruth: Please help me understand what my wife has just told me. After nearly 20 years of marriage, she says I have never given her an orgasm. This was a terrible blow to me. I had always assumed she was enjoying sex since she never said otherwise. We were very young when we married, both under 20. She was a virgin, and I'd had only a minimum of sexual experience..."

"Dear Reader: No man can be positive his partner has had an orgasm. That's why it's up to the woman to let him know what she needs to reach orgasm."

This letter and reply appeared in a national column in 1991. Both plug into that other old myth: It is up to the man to satisfy the woman. The man's wife says that he has never given her an orgasm. No man can give a woman an orgasm. A woman alone can "give" one to herself. It is tied to those other old myths: A woman's satisfaction is independent of her actions and feelings. And, Sex is what men do to women, rather than sex is what men do with women.

Some women (and men) find that once they become orgasmic on their own, the results collapse when they are with a partner. They have "partner problems." The reasons are not usually difficult to track down. A man can be the world's greatest lover, but if a woman fears or dislikes him, she may not be orgasmic. Whatever her reason for being in bed with him, her psyche warns her not to "let go" with this man. If she is there simply for fun and sexual release, and part of her mind disapproves of such behavior, her psyche takes over and refuses to trigger the reflex orgasm.

Why should a woman "let go" with a man she is less than happy with? Her psychologic makeup is protecting her from vulnerability to pain. Men have rather similar problems when the penis will not erect, no matter how hard it is coaxed. When issues of work, health, worry, and so on, are eliminated, the reason is similarly protective. The man secretly fears or dislikes the woman, and the penis sends him protective messages not to respond where he is vulnerable to pain.

Partner problems of erection and orgasm are not problems in themselves. The trouble is psychological. Something is amiss in the relationship, and the conscious or unconscious steps in for protection. Sometimes, a man deliberately holds back on erections to spite or punish the woman. A woman holds back at pre orgasm to punish the man. One of the main impediments to the full enjoyment of erotic love is the "power game" either partner can inflict upon the other.

About The Author
David Crawford is the CEO and owner of a company known as Male Enhancement Pills which is dedicated to researching and comparing male enhancement products in order to determine which male enhancement product is safer and more effective than other products on the market. Copyright 2011 David Crawford of http://www.maleenhancementgroup.com This article may be freely distributed if this resource box stays attached.